Words for the Male Genitals
Good Words:1. Cock - Always a favorite. It’s manly and rough sounding.
2. Tool – I like this word. Makes me think of a porno where I’m the dirty housewife and I’ve hired a hot plumber to use his tool to snake my pipes.
3. Shaft – Makes me think of an engine pumping hard and fast into my pussy.
4. Balls – Really this was the best word I could think to use for these, but nothing sounded better. Still not hot, but it works.
In-between Words:
1. Manhood – A little harlequin romance, but still a good choice.
2. Penis – A little technical for my taste, but still a good word.
3. Python of love, Heat seeking missile, Ford (Hard like a rock), and other manly nicknames – Nicknames are generally okay if picked by the man or at least okayed by him.
4. Nuts – This is alright, but I don’t find it to be very sexy.
Bad Words:
1. Schlong – Don’t use unless you’re still in middle school.
2. Wang – Unless you’re Asian, I don’t suggest this word.
3. Pud – It doesn’t make me think of a penis, its make me think of the little kid from the comic, Pud, which is something I don’t want to think of during sex.
4. Dong – Sounds like something you hit (Dong!) and it makes me think of a dildo.
5. Prick – I don’t like this word. Sounds too painful and it reminds me of the name I use for my ex-boyfriend.
6. Scrotum – It’s too technical and I just don’t like how harsh it sounds.
7. Cute or Girly Nicknames - I suggest never called his thing anything cute, unless you want to see his little smurf retreat back into its mushroom house.
Words for Women’s Breasts
Good Words:1. Tits – This is an adult word. It just sounds hot.
In-Between Words:
1. Boobs – Makes me think of a bunch of idiots.
2. Breasts – A little artsy sounding, but still usable. To me, this is really a chick word.
3. Titties – A little less manly, but still a good word.
4. Lovely Lady Lumps - Not generally a good idea to refer to breasts as lumps, but if Fergie uses the term than can it be all bad....
Bad Words:
1. Mammaries – Too Technical.
2. Udders – We’re not cows…
3. Fun bags, jumblies, yabbos, hoohoos, boobies, and basically any other funny word you can conceive of. – These are all just childish. Only 5 year olds and 40 year old virgins use these words.
4. Melons and other edibles – Comparing a women’s breast to fruit is just retarded sounding, plus may get slapped if you compare them to oranges or any other small fruits.
Words for Women’s Bum
Good Words:1. Ass – This will always be an adult word. It’s sexy and hard sounding.
2. Butt – Sounds like something you should be ramming your cock against or in, whatever floats your boat.
3. Booty – I like this word; makes me think of pirate booty, and my ass should be treasured.
4. Behind – Just where it should be. Behind you.
In-Between Words:
1. Asshole – A little more direct, but still hard and adult sounding.
2. Bum – Though sometimes a little cute sounding, you can still use it without looking retarded.
3. Rump - Hey, it rhymes with some of my favorite words like pump and hump, so it can't be all bad.
Bad Words:
1. Starfish – A word that should only be used in a dumb guy joke. Used a lot on “Son of the Beach” in jokes.
2. Rosebud – I don’t like to compare my asshole to a chocolate candy; it’s just a real turn off.
3. Sphincter – Too technical and too Wayne’s World.
4. Bowels – Unless you’re a doctor, don’t use this one.
5. Butthole – This is another dumb guy word. “Hey Butthole!”
6. Anus – Too technical and reminds me of the whole “Uranus” joke from elementary school.
7. Arse – If you’re British you can use it, if not, then I don’t suggest it.
8. Poop-chute, Hershey Highway and other references to excretion – Anything that refers to shit is not sexy. Remember that.
9. Balloon Knot – Makes me think of the gas that could be let out with you play too much with that balloon knot.
10. Junk in the trunk - Referring to a woman’s ass as junk could get you killed.
11. Hump – Are you dating the Hunchback of Notre Dame?
12. Laffy Taffy - Never one: suggest your woman’s ass is laughable or two: suggest woman’s ass is like taffy. You will die.
